2017 feeling like a fail so far?
October will be here in a few days. For some of us that spells Pumpkin Spice Lattes for lunch, comfort food in the evenings, cancelling the gym membership we paid for last month, and duvet days that last from Friday night until Monday morning. But for others, I suspect, October also brings up a ‘what the f*** have I done in 2017?’ kind of panic.
It’s so easy to start a new year with so much energy about the things we’re going to see, be and achieve. But, aside from 2017 being the total ball ache that it has been so far (terrorist attacks, a turnip being given the role of the ‘most powerful man in the world’ and other humans deciding that they now feel comfortable with being shit to people who are different to them when it comes to just about everything) maybe it hasn’t been so great personally, either.
Maybe, by the time it got to March, you realised that promoting your online business was going to be harder than you thought. Maybe, by April, you looked at your partner and kids and had guilty thoughts about wanting to be around them a lot less, to make money and feel like yourself again. Perhaps that long-awaited holiday in August made you long for a completely different life, but you couldn’t see how to get there. Maybe, when you broke up from college/university, you realised that you hate Maths and want to study Sports Science instead.
A lot of us have had a shit time in 2017. While I wouldn’t say I’ve had a shitty time; it’s definitely been a bit of a roller coaster. After Daniel proposed in February there was what I’ll call a ‘period of adjustment’, which basically involved letting certain family members know that we were planning a tiny wedding, and dealing with the fallout. (The fact that we were living with my parents at the time only heightened things.) Soon though, we were carried along with the happier parts of wedding planning; I had a dress within a month, and we’d booked the venue and catering a couple of weeks later. Everything went very well, very quickly – to the point where I was wondering if we’d forgotten anything major.
The months flew by and I was enjoying being closer, location-wise, to my sisters and their kids, as I knew I wouldn’t be home forever. Then in late July, a month before the wedding, I had a massive business problem. I won’t put it down here, as it’s kinda (really) complicated, but, let’s just say, there were days when I wondered if I would bounce back at all, and I would have to ask myself if it was time to come up with a Plan B career/life. Long story short, this issue meant I could not pay myself for two months. So that was, no cash coming in, for the last two months leading up to my wedding. Great.
Then my grandma died. We were away in Brighton meeting clients and also doing a bit of a recce to see if we wanted to live there, so of course we came straight back home. I didn’t cry until the funeral, which is weird for me, but I think, I had so many things, thoughts and worries up in the air, that if I’d cried I would have never stopped.
In the end, my hen do was on a Thursday, my grandma’s funeral was the next day, our wedding was on the Sunday and I had a majorly important meeting on the Monday. Talk about a rollercoaster. But we got through it.
We went away to Cornwall for two weeks to chill, but when we got back, even though I was working to max capacity, I still didn’t know what was going on with my business. Thankfully, just last week, a whole bunch of accountants and bankers got their act together and I’m back! I had spent so many nights imagining different ways that things might turn out; I wanted to be prepared, but I really wasn’t prepared for anything less than getting what I wanted. I had so many days when I’d punish myself for thinking negative thoughts, because, ‘thoughts become things’, right?
But what I’ve realised from this year is that, it’s true; when people say you can get through anything. Okay, I knew it was true before, but now I know, know. So, although my 2017 hasn’t been one where I’ve kicked ass or been a ‘boss’ (I’m kinda bored of that word now anyway), it’s made me realise that I still have time to do the things I want to do. I can take on more clients, I still have time to book a cinematography course, or an architectural photography course; I can still ask my favourite foodies for interviews when I get to New York for Christmas. My life is alright. I can do what I want. And so can you.